It's All in God's Hands

I quickly began to realize (after several appointments) that horse shopping is not like purchasing a dog, where you get to choose what breed you like, a male or female, color etc.  You choose your dog, but as every horse person knows, your horse chooses you.  Throughout the whole process, I looked at what felt like a thousand horses. We got up at four in the morning, drove back and forth across the state, up and down the back roads and highways looking at horse after horse after horse. Every ad I came across that seemed to have potential turned out to be nothing more than lies, scams, and clever marketing schemes played out on a naive rookie. Horses listed as young, fully trained, and sound turned out to be old, green, and in need of much training, and with each additional appointment, I began to lose hope.

I started to question whether owning a horse was really part of God’s plan for my life. I would ask mom on a regular basis, “ Do you think I am wasting my time?...Do you think this is God telling me to move on to something else?” Like always, she would say, “Honey, I don’t know what His plan is for you, but I know it’s something great. All you have to do is trust Him, and ask Him to reveal it to you.” 

The Lord tells us to pray without ceasing, and that is exactly what I did. I prayed, endlessly.

 “Lord, if owning a horse is not what You want for me, I am completely OK with that, because all I want is to follow Your will.”  I continued to pray, searched through ads, and waited for God to send an answer. Early one morning Dayna, Mom and I set out to see yet another horse. I was excited and reserved all at the same time; I didn’t want to get my hopes up again for nothing, but when we arrived at one of the most beautiful barns I had ever seen, my heart started to race with excitement and hope. It was immaculate. You could have eaten off the floor, it was nicer than most houses, and the horses were absolutely gorgeous. Each one was treated like royalty, with their own brass-gated stalls, heated water troughs, and cared for by some of the sweetest and most loving people I have had the pleasure of meeting. I knew then that this appointment was going to be different and not like our previous trips.  

The horse that was for sale was beautiful, a stunning appaloosa, his tall white body covered in the dark chocolate spots that are the signature markings of a leopard appaloosa. Even more important than his beautiful appearance was his sweet and loving personality. He was gentle and kind, obviously attached to his doting owner, and followed her like a puppy dog as she moved through the barn.  I knew that if he loved her that much, he could possibly love me too, and in my opinion,  that made him a perfect match. My mom and I both started to fall in love with this handsome gelding.

 Dayna rode him first to see if his gaits fit what I needed. Overall, she thought he had potential and thought I should give him a try. My mom was “oohing” and “ahhing” over him and dreaming of taking him home. She fell hard and quickly and was convinced we had found the one. As I mounted him and placed myself in the center of his back, my heart pounding with anticipation and my stomach full of butterflies, I had hope again that I was meant to have my own horse. This really could be the one.

I rode him for a few minutes but realized almost immediately that something was off. With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach,  I knew in the depths of my heart this was not the right horse for me. I felt very unbalanced, and his gaits were too fast and too long for me to sit properly or ride confidently. Even though he appeared smooth in his stride, the feeling and the appearance didn’t match, and I felt like I had no control over him. I kept a smile on my face and continued to ride for several more minutes, trying to convince myself that he could work.  After dismounting, my mom anxiously asked me what I thought about him, and with extreme guilt, I lied and told her I thought he would work out fine. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her that he wasn’t a good fit; I didn’t want to let go of my dream or disappoint my mom, because she already loved him so much and so desperately wanted to find me my own horse.

On the way home mom and I asked Dayna what she thought of him. Without knowing my true feelings, she said, “I like him, but I think we need to see one more before you decide.  I’m not completely sold on him. He’s good, but I think he needs some work to get him to where you need him to be. Something just didn’t seem quite right with his movements and I want to make sure we make the right decision.”

Mom was disappointed, but I knew that Dayna was spot-on in her intuition, because I felt the same way and knew this was not the horse for me. My mom couldn’t stop talking about how much she loved the appaloosa, how beautiful he was, what a great history he had, how well cared for he was, how sweet his disposition was, and on and on and on. In her mind, there was nothing more to see. This was it. Cut the check. Hook up the trailer. Haul him home.

Before narrowing it down and making our final decision, we had a meeting the following day to see one more horse. Against mom’s will, Dayna and I were both insistent that we keep this appointment. It was to check out a horse from an ad I had run across several times but hadn’t called because he was out of my price range. Oddly, I kept coming back to this ad time after time after time. It just kept popping up in all my searches, and something kept telling me I needed to call.  After months of no luck and hours of tirelessly looking, I finally convinced my mom that we just needed to look at him before writing him off.  She reluctantly agreed, mainly because she was weary of looking and desperate to find something.

As I waited for the next day to arrive, all I could do was pray and put it in God’s hands. He knew the right answer for my prayers, and the ultimate decision had already been made. Whatever the outcome, it was all part of His perfect plan.